Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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