Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
