I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
