you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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