like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
