you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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