seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
