Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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