getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
