Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
