its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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