Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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