Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
