i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
