In the future we'll all be gay
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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