god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
