Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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