I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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