Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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