Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
