Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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