There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
please come you make the beer taste better
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
