My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
