i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My bed smells like the plague
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
