My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
