A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
