so that wasnt chicken after all
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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