I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
