I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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