i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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