I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
