I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
