so explain again why im purple
no
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
