if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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