i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
