Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
