Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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