Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
