The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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