shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
