Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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