Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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