i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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