That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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