Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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