my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize