I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
