Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
