is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
