We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
