Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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