Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize