Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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