brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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