that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
