tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This baby is an asshole
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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