This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
