Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My hand turned me down
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
