I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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