Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Randomize
